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Choke's Wrestlemania 29 Predictions: Rock, Taker, Scissors?

Posted by: choke Apr 5, 2013 | 1629 views | 0 comments

My predictions for this Sunday's Wrestlemania extravaganza

Does anyone else think it's hilarious that Mania is 4 hours long and yet we all sit through 3 hours of RAW week in and week out?   Can't wait for RAW each week to surpass Mania in total running time.   Thank god for DVR amirite?

Let's get right to it:

1.  Pre Show match:  the Miz vs Wade Barrett for the IC Belt:   So I've been complaining about the mid-carders getting buried by top tier wrestlers for the last several months.  This seemingly 20th incarnation of this match makes me wish we were just seeing one of those again.  At least it'd probably go by faster.  Anyway I'm shocked they didn't give the Miz one of these belts sooner, so I see it finally happening here.  What a way to get those pre-show viewers hype than by having a meaningless belt change hands!   I like Barrett, but I can't argue with the decision.   Apparently the writers don't know what to do with him

Who should win:  The Miz (and then he should turn heel again because he's PAINFUL as a face)
Who will win:  The Miz (and stays a face)

2.  Tons of Funk w/Funkadactyls vs Rhodes Scholars w/Bellas:   I had to look up how to spell Funkadactyls for the record.  Well since Rhodes Scholars are "broken up" (do the writers have ADD?), and Tons of Funk are on a roll, it's hard to see them giving Rhodes Bellas a win here.  Then again doing so doesn't really alter the shape of the WWE.   Tons of Funk makes a lot of sense to be getting a tag title shot soon, so that's why I'd roll with them.   If Rhodes do win, I think it'll be the Bellas getting the pinfall to further the feud between them and the Funkadactyls.  I can't believe my life has devolved into a position where I type that sentence.

Who should win:  Tons of Funk w/Funkadactyls (to further their push)
Who will win: Tons of Funk w/Funkadactyls (because of more junk in the trunk)

3.  Chris Jericho vs Fandangoo:  I don't necessarily hate the path they've had Fandango go through, but I do think it would have been better for him to work his way up the ranks to face Jericho at Mania instead of basically having his in-ring debut.  I mean Zack Ryder has had nothing better to do than eat top rop leg drops for the last few months.  These writers are awful.   Because Chris Jericho is probably only signed right now through Mania, I look for the WWE to use this opportunity to push Fandango.   I do think there's a chance they have Y2J go out with a win, only to be savagely beaten by Fandango afterwards and maybe even sell an injury angle.   Either way would go a long way in pushing him as a major heel.   Also, am I the only one who thinks his gimmick should be to slowly but surely build a stable of women that he steals from other wrestlers?   Start with Natalya, then one of the Funkadactyls, and finish with Katie Vick.   I know, I should be writing this stuff.

Who should win:  Fandangoo
Who will win:  Fandangoo

4.  Ryback vs Mark Henry:  The buildup has been lackluster, but I hope this match exceeds my expectations.  Hard to picture Ryback taking such a high profile loss at his first Wrestlemania moment, but I think in the long run it'd be the smart thing to do.  Henry still needs a little more build to be back to the top monster heel in the WWE, while the kids 3 years old and younger (mentally) will still be happy to chant Feed Me More all the way back to the minivan even if he takes a loss here.  Long story short:  Henry needs it much more than Ryback.  Naturally I think Ryback will win

Who should win:  Mark Henry (this is what he does!)
Who will win:  Ryback (this is what faces do in the hands of the writers!)

5.  The Shield vs The Bullies (Show/Sheamus/Orton):   I'm pretty excited for this match, if only because I want to see Seth Rollins take some more sick bumps.  Storyline wise I think they should have built up more how the Shield has completely dominated all teams they've faced while showing a lot of weakness in the faces.  I still think there's a chance something happens to set off an Orton/Show or Orton/Sheamus or Sheamus/Show feud that will be sure to bore the tears out of us for the months to come.  Hard to see the Shield losing as it serves no purpose to the story of them being such a cohesive unit.  WWE wont let us down here

Who should win:  The Shield (for Justice!  Against Bullies!)
Who will win:  The Shield (okay I just realized I'm calling for Sheamus and Orton to take a loss at Mania during FaceFest 2013.  Maybe I should rethink this)

6.  Hell No vs Ziggler/Langston for the Tag Team Championships:   Interesting match and as long as Kane stays out of the ring for a large portion of it, it should be a contender for match of the night.  I'm a little torn on who to pick to win, or even who I want to win.   I mean 95% of me of course wants Ziggler and Langston to win because I've been sick of Hell No for going on 6 months or so, but at the same time I'm dying to see Ziggler with a major singles title around his waist so I don't want the WWE to try to satiate that with this.   Oh who the hell am I kidding, LET'S GO ZIGGLER.   I expect some sort of AJ/Kaitlyn shenanigans at ringside

Who should win:   ZiggE Langston (Hell No was doomed ever since 5 million morons picked that horrific name for them.   Yes this is coming from the guy who just typed ZiggE Langston)
Who will win:  Biggler (AJ's shorts with the assist!)

7.  Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship:  Not a fan of this Del Rio World Championship run.  I've seen many praise him for it, but it just hasn't excited me in the least.  I like the Swagger angle, but am just not overly impressed by Swagger in the ring, which has been an issue since his debut.  I actually was tempted to pick Swagger to win here just because I think that'd make the stronger storyline normally, but with Ziggler still out there with the MITB and only a few months to cash it, I think it makes more sense for Del Rio to keep the belt until that happens.   Will it even happen on this show???

Who should win:  Del Rio (that was difficult for me to type)
Who will win:  Del Rio (Nosotros el pueblo!)

8.  HHH vs Brock Lesnar in a No Holds Barred Career on the line Sexyboy and Paul Heyman at ringside match for Stephanie McMahon's honor and Vince McMahon's revenge:   NEEDS MORE STIPS.  Has Lesnar won a match since he's been back?   Do we need HHH to be an active wrestler on the roster?  I think you have to have Lesnar go over here so he can move on and go for the WWE Title or wrestle the Undertaker or HBK or Jimmy Uso next.   Don't see much point in having HHH win personally.   

Who should win:   Lesnar (this)
Who will win:  Lesnar (FOR JIMMY JOHN'S)

9.  The Undertaker vs CM Punk:  I don't really get all the outrage over the buildup for this match.  This IS wrestling isn't it?  CM Punk's job is to outrage and make the fans hate him?  Those weren't REALLY Bearer's ashes (or were they?)  Without having a clue about the man in the least, I have no doubt that Percy would love being involved in the angle the way he has.  If the family was kicking and screaming over what was going on, that'd be another story, but all we've gotten so far is his son saying that it was a little shocking, but then released a new statement saying they were all fine with it.   So who is anyone else to say otherwise.  People are furious over it?   GOOD.  I'm sure McMahon wants nothing less.   Anyway, yeah, Taker wins.  Just hoping for a good match

Who should win:   Well, for me?  CM Punk
Who will win:  duh.

10.  John Cena vs The Rock for the WWE Title:   No one is really talking much about Johnny Laurinaitis making his return on last week's Smackdown.  Sure, one could chalk it all up to just a one-shot appearance for him to get laid out and the crowd to go home happy.  I find it a little odd still considering the timing.  Lots of talk has been made of Cena possibly turning heel, but then again that talk's been out there for months if not years.  Difficult to see that ever happening to be honest, even though all of us "smarts" would love to see it.  What I could see them possibly doing is having Laurinaitis coming out and somehow screwing the Rock over causing speculation to run rampant over Cena's allegiance.  In the end I don't see it working out to a heel turn by him, but the result will still be the same: a new WWE Champion

Who should win:  Cena (now with heel turn!)
Who will win:  Cena (no heel turn)

I'm also going out on a limb to say we see a surprise return from Christian to take the US Belt from Cesaro.  I will also predict that we see a lot of Divas onstage dancing to Diddy.  Lastly, I predict that it will be a good, but not great show overall.  In this day and age that's pretty much all we can hope for.  Ever the optimist, this is Choke.

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